| Apr. 15th, 2009 @ 01:06 am In the Name of Love... |
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We do so many things in the name of Love in this world and in this life that are so... incredibly far from Love that it is in my humble opinion utterly disgusting and perverse. The world often twists the definition of Love to something closely resembling hatred and self degradation.
I've been thinking about the concept of Loving one's self. Not being self serving so much, but bettering ones self in order to better serve the world at large. It's a strange and yet effective concept.
Today I realized that there's this giant rotting hole in my spirit where the cancer that was my former relationship used to be. It's healing a bit, but still needs to be gutted, cleaned, and wrapped in order to heal properly.
What I mean by that is simply that I have to remove every bit of the old thing that was there, clean the wounds entirely, and then surround myself with healthy real loving relationships in order to really correct the habit of giving myself to relationships that are abusive rather than helpful and loving.
Sounds all melodramatic, but really it's common sense and pretty damned simple.
There are a few simple concepts I've used to help me in the healing process. The first is denial. Sounds unhealthy, I'm sure, but pushing my thoughts away from the reality of what was eating me alive actually helped cut off the pain long enough that I could heal enough that I can actually deal with the situation. It's like an anesthetic, and it has worked wonders.
Slowly I've been draining the built up pain and depression that surrounds nearly every memory of the two of us, removing the memory as much as I can, and replacing it with something pleasant, inspiring, and joyful.
I'm retraining myself to think basically. I feel like I have a new lease on life.
In the Name of Love
The smell of decay swells up
Fills my stomach and chest
Pushes its way through my throat
Exits my nostrils enveloping everything
The scar I've buried that you left
Rotted out inside of me
Leaving mangled flesh burned
An Aching deep inside of me where you used to live
With this knife of denial
I will cut you out like a cancer
Leaving no trace of where you were
Not a single memory will remain
Hunting down every root, every dream, every thought of us
I will commit genocide in the name of Love
The warmth of fresh flowing blood
Fills the gaps and wounds
Pushes its way through every opening
Exist the gaping hole covering my chest and feet
The blade I've buried in me
To get you out of me
Leaves a hollowed gutted space
An aching deep inside of me is where you used to be
With this wrap of forgetfulness
I will bind my body, mind, and soul
Leaving no wound unbound - unLoved
Not a single scar will remain
Healing every deep wound, every restless night, every hope turned despair
I will scorch my flesh, bone, heart and soul in the name of Love
-JLivingston |
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